Dear Uterus,
One month from today we will part ways. I have so many (many many many) mixed emotions about this. It ranges from day to day. I keep telling myself I am excited and looking forward to it. I even joke that I will soon be throwing a "White Pant Party!" However, I find that I am some what suppressing the sadness that comes along with our farewell.
Saying good-bye to you makes things too real. It means that I have three children, not four or five like I always thought I would have. It means paradigm shifts. It means that Carter really was my last baby. It means no more nursing a baby to sleep. It means no more swaddling and "shush shush shushing" as we walk around the house and up and down the street. It means no more late nights where Bryant and I stay up just to stare at what we created. Oh how I loved that! It means no more watching in awe as Bryant calms a fussy baby and makes my heart leap with love. It means no more siblings for my children.
It means no more babies.
It finalizes it.
That makes me cry to think about.
But it also means a healthier mother to the three beautiful children that I do have. It means less pain and more activity. It means not having to worry about sneezing and then screaming in pain from feeling like my uterus just broke in half! It means no more monthly trips to the hospital because my body thinks it's in labor but really just having a period. It means no more IV's and no more pain medicine.
It means more freedom and less worry.
AND it means not looking five months pregnant all the time (fingers seriously crossed that it means that) from my swollen uterus.
Yes, Uterus, you have been good to me. You have given me not one, not two but THREE wonderful children. You never rejected a pregnancy and always held those babies in there nicely. You gave them a good home and treated me so well during that time.
I can't really blame you for rebelling a little. You helped me have three children in less than five years. All c-sections. Which seemed to cause this severe Adenomyosis. Sorry about that.
One more month left. My prayer is that on that day I will feel peace and comfort and joy as I rejoice in the three babies I did get to have and not mourn the ones I did not have.
That is my prayer.
Once again, I am sorry we have to end like this and so soon in life, but I can't thank you enough for the three miracles you did give me.
Sincerely yours for one more month,
Sarah
20 comments:
I'm sorry you are going through this. I had to have an emergency c-section/hysterectomy with Benjamin so the loss of my uterus was very unexpected. I feel so blessed to have the 2 wonderful boys that I have but I still feel a pain every time I see a woman sportin' a big beautiful pregnant belly. I will be praying for a quick recovery and peace throughout.
Oh Sarah!!! I had no idea!! Your cheery smile never let on what you are going through. 3 c-sections is hard. You do have so many, many blessings and I am jealous of your white pant party!! LOL
(((BIG HUGS)))
Your uterus has done its job and now it is time to say goodbye so you can go through life without pain. I am sorry you were faced with this, but I think you are making the right decision. And just think how cute you will look in those white pants!
Sounds like your uterus has done some pretty amazing things (and helped make some amazing kids!).
Just think of it this way, you're not losing it, it's just being retired to the Uterus Hall of Fame!
It's the Babe Ruth of Uteruses!
I'm in tears and am both happy and sad for you. I hope this next month allows you to grieve the loss of that beautiful organ that has given you so much as well as rejoice in a future without pain. And yes, I just referred to your uterus as beautiful.
So sorry you have to get it removed, but so happy that you will be feeling better and continue being a great Mom. Uterus problems really stink- I have them too. You are a great source to look to with the pain you have. Thanks for your example!
xoxo
Let me know how it goes. I am in the same boat and am told to just "suffer" through it as long as I can. The problem is the pain and then the preasure on my back. Oh, girl we have so much in common! You are in my heart and prayers!!!
BIG HUGS!!!
I know you must be feeling so mixed, but I also know you have always followed the promptings, and you will this time too. The peace will come.....I love and support you.
Thank you all for your kind words and support. It was therapeutic for me to write it out and get it out there.
Ali, I laughed hard at the uterus hall of fame! So great!! Thank you all! XOXO
I...I had a mole removed yesterday. That's similar. Right?
Sarah, you're awesome! You carry the Smith/Hull banner high and have kept your chin up through your difficulties. You are an amazing woman and a pretty ok sister ;) I love you a ton and our prayers are with you! Love, Scott.
I am SOOOOO feeling you right now. Going through similar things right now due to my breasts. Waiting and wondering if a tumor in there is malignant or not. Regardless, they will be removing it. Waiting to hear how much will have to be removed. If I will ever be able to breast feed again (they have to remove the milk ducts that are affected). If this will have to be my last child ...even though I want more. etc.
However, like you, I feel so blessed that I did choose to have so many so fast. What a blessing to have the ones we DO have.
You are my hero. Always will be. Prayers for you and your beautiful family!
Sarah- I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm glad you wrote about it- that always seems to help. Good luck with it all and I know you will probably feel so much better afterward!!
Do they do uterus transplants? Ask next time you go in and I will GLADLY donate mine that is not being put to use! :P
You forgot another perk! No yucky hormonal birth control! I know how you are feeling about the 3 kid thing. I have felt like we are done at 3. My last two pregnancies were hard and with my anxiety... I've realized it's quality and not quantity. It makes me so sad to think of not having another little baby! They bring such a special spirit into the home. Giving birth and bringing home a newborn is one of the neatest things I've ever done! But then I realize that I could have had 10 kids and I would be feeling the same way to know I would never have another baby. And there is something kind of fun and exciting about all the fun adventures to be enjoyed on this next phase with our kids. Disneyland where everyone can go on the same rides, sitting and actually watching a whole movie together, bikes rides where everyone is on a bike. You are an amazing mother! Enjoy every moment of those three beautiful kids!! Your surgery will go great and I will be thinking of you. XOXO
Hugs coming your way. It is always rough when you are faced with this situation. But...just think of all those grandbabies you will have one day.
I hope your recovery is smooth and fast. Good luck!
Yikes....so sorry. that is rough. I hope all goes well and you have a quick recovery. And I'll be jealous of your flat tummy.
so sarah. It was a good ride! "til we meet again". enjoy your last month with your uterus.
Very well said. But again, another post that makes me cry. I love that you always find the positive within the challenges. You are my idol, Miss Super Model Everything! Best of luck to you. If I lived even 2 hours from you, I would come take your darling kids to play and bring you dinners and help you with relaxation during recovery.
Sarah, I know I'm a month behind in reading this, but I wanted to send my love to you. You are an amazing woman and mother, and I can't even tell you how much I admire you. I'm praying that the Lord will help you feel the peace today that you've prayed for. I know He will take care of you. Love, love, love.
-April
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